Day 3: Wisdom
I have mixed feelings about getting older, which I’m sure I’ll unpack in the coming days, but growing wiser with age is one thing I appreciate unequivocally.
I think of myself as a young soul, with a “forever age” or “soul age” of 15 (I’d be curious to hear yours!). My inner teenager is still figuring out how to be in the world -- how to manage time and money, how to persevere through anxiety and adversity, how to move on from missteps without beating myself up, how to see the forest for the trees.
Still, I’ve gained a lot of wisdom from immersing myself in psychology, Buddhism, and personal development content for the last couple of decades. I’ve had enough lived experiences now to know that I can do hard things; that this, too, shall pass; and that I can start a new chapter in my life at any time.
When I hear myself give Mom lessons to my kids, my words reflect back to me the wisdom I’ve gained (and we all need gentle reminders even when we know things to be true). I tell them things like:
- Everyone starts as a beginner; you’ll get better if you practice.
- Mistakes are an important part of learning.
- It’s okay to have big feelings.
- How can we solve that problem?
- One work at a time.
There’s often still a gap between what my wiser self knows and what my present self does. But as I keep working on myself, I’m closing the distance.
* How I’ve evolved: I know that what I choose not to do is as important as what I choose to do. I don’t “should” myself or others anymore. I’m much less judgmental and more compassionate. I don’t worry as much about what other people are doing (except when they’re endangering others...wear a mask, everyone!) and focus on what I’m doing.
* How I’m evolving: I have a ways to go with patience and non-reactivity. My “hurry-up anger” flares quickly, which doesn’t make a dawdling 3-year-old move any faster. I catch myself scolding the kids immediately when they’re moving too wildly and cause things to spill or break. I want them to be able to make mistakes without judgment and set things right -- and I’d like to model that for them instead of scolding myself harshly. I’m working on taking a deep breath before responding, then saying something like, “Darn, that made a mess. Let’s clean it up,” or “Well, that didn’t work. Let’s try something else.”
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If you’d like to join me for The Evolving 40:
- All are welcome. Jump in at any time.
- On the daily theme, think: “How have I evolved? How am I evolving?”
- Length and format are up to you.
- Post in the comments below or on your own social with the hashtag #evolving40.
- Whatever comes up is what’s meant to be!
