Day 13: Jealousy
#evolving40 Day 13: #Jealousy
I think one of the most revealing things to know about someone is what makes them jealous. It’s an uncomfortable topic, one that shines a light on that petty side of us that we’d rather pretend wasn’t there. We’d like to be better than this, but many (I’d dare say most) of us aren’t.
Gretchen Rubin says it’s helpful to ask, “Whom do I envy?” to understand what you’d like to bring into your life. I’m jealous of writers and content creators in the personal development space, because doing that work full time is my own big dream. It eases the sting of jealousy when people have worked hard for their success and are contributing to a better world because of it. But when they come off The Bachelor and immediately get a book deal and a ghostwriter, it’s hard to be gracious.
Writers in general are prone to jealousy -- or maybe they just have a platform for sharing it. There’s the delightful poem “The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered” by Clive James, linked below (“His delicate, quivering sensibility is now as one / With Barbara Windsor’s Book of Boobs”). In “Bird by Bird,” Anne Lamott dedicates a whole chapter to the subject and shares her friend’s advice regarding envy of another writer:
"My friend Judy said that the problem was trying to stop the jealousy and competitiveness, and that the main thing was not to let it fuel my self-loathing. She said it was nuts for me to try to be happy for this other writer. I cannot tell you how much this helped."
I’m most jealous of people who seem to have an easier time of being a human than I do. People who have a lighter and more carefree nature, a confidence that everything will turn out okay and that they’ll be equipped to handle whatever comes. People who seem to be able to juggle the many responsibilities of adulting and parenting with grace (and whose children actually sleep!).
But as I get older, the more honest I’m able to be about who I am, and the more I can recognize my own strengths and the blessings in my life. I can shift my envy into admiration and adopt habits that will move my dreams forward. I'm able to see that there’s always plenty of success to go around.
* How I’ve evolved: Owning jealousy with humor instead of hiding it with shame (I often say, “Must be nice!” with full awareness of my pettiness). It’s only human to get drunk on the haterade now and then.
* How I’m evolving: Remembering that it’s a rare instance when one person’s success takes away from my own chances. Seeing jealousy as a flashing arrow pointing to what I’d like to create in my own life. The more I’ve been able to move toward the life I want, with the podcast and writing regularly, the less jealous I feel -- because I know I’m on the right path.
Link:
“The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered”
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If you’d like to join me for The Evolving 40:
- All are welcome. Jump in at any time.
- On the daily theme, think: “How have I evolved? How am I evolving?”
- Length and format are up to you.
- Post in the comments below or on your own social with the hashtag #evolving40.
- Whatever comes up is what’s meant to be.
