Day 16: Presence
#evolving40 Day 16: #Presence
Even before my iPhone became my master, with its constant churn of social feeds and notifications, I spent a lot of time in my own head. As an introvert who writes, I’m usually turning an idea over in my mind until I can articulate it. Because I also have anxiety, my thoughts often drift back to what I wish I’d done differently (ahem, perfectly), or forward to the many tasks that I want to accomplish.
My absentmindedness only got worse once I had kids. Mine don’t sleep much, so I’m perpetually tired. Being a parent means dozens (hundreds?) of extra details to keep track of, and they change as the kids grow. With that mental load, it’s no wonder that I lose my phone in the house multiple times a day (thank goodness for Tile) and have to listen to automated phone menus twice because I space out the first time.
But not being present means I miss things. I miss my kids trying to get my attention so they can show me something funny, or a butterfly alighting on a flower in the garden. I miss opportunities (to connect, to move closer to my dreams) when I’m floating off in dreamland.
At the very core of this challenge, I believe, is my lack of trust in myself. I take copious notes in meetings so I won’t forget details and fret about the future because I worry that I’ll screw something up. As I develop more confidence that I’ll know the right words and actions when the time comes, the more I can observe and listen wholeheartedly.
I’ve been experimenting with a variety of mindfulness practices over the past year, and slowly learning to ground myself in the moment. Sensory inputs help: when I pass a candle in the house, I’ll inhale its scent. When Avery’s sitting next to me, I’ll run my fingers through her silky hair and over her smooth, chubby cheek. Both bring me back to the now.
Deep breathing and meditation, even in short bursts, are mindfulness tools we always carry with us. When I return from taking Avery to school, I’ll sit on a floor cushion and do a guided meditation for 10 minutes (the Calm app is wonderful). Throughout the day, I’ll take a three-breath pause whenever I remember. "Be here, now" is a helpful mantra anytime.
With practice, I’m slowly becoming more able to direct and maintain my attention, and to gently bring it back to the present when it wanders. I’m getting better at putting down the device to engage with my family when they say something to me. I’m finally beginning to internalize that the present moment is literally the only thing that exists, and I don’t want to let my life slip by without being here for it.
* How I’ve evolved: Accepting that it’s the mind’s job to think, and being kinder to myself when I lose myself in thought.
* How I’m evolving: Noticing more quickly when my mind wanders, gently noting, “Thinking,” and refocusing on what’s happening right in front of me. Reminding myself that my family is more important than whatever I’m doing on my phone.
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If you’d like to join me for The Evolving 40:
- All are welcome. Jump in at any time.
- On the daily theme, think: “How have I evolved? How am I evolving?”
- Length and format are up to you.
- Post in the comments below or on your own social with the hashtag #evolving40.
- Whatever comes up is what’s meant to be.
