Day 20: Value
#evolving40 Day 20: #Value
Today marks the halfway point of The Evolving 40. These reflections are doing what I hoped they would: help me process how I’ve grown in my first 40 years on earth and how I’d like to keep growing in my next phase of life. Thanks to those who are reading and participating.
Moving through the daily themes, I’ve been working on a core challenge I struggle with: accepting my inherent value as a human being. It feels foreign to me, the idea that no matter what I do or don’t do, no matter how many stumbles and mistakes I make in the quest to live up to my own ideals, I am enough just as I am, right now.
In school, I learned to tie my self-worth to external validation for my achievements and productivity. For two decades, I played the game well and was fueled by a steady diet of test scores, grades, honors, and praise. But those ended the moment I graduated, and because they had become intertwined with with my self-worth, I felt aimless and worthless without them.
The problem with tying our worth to external validation is that we give other people -- flawed and fallible humans just like ourselves -- the power to give and take away our self-regard.
The problem with tying our worth to productivity is that we will all have seasons of life where we cannot be very productive in the tangible and immediate sense: when we fall ill, when we have young children, when we’re unemployed, when we’re in the midst of a pandemic.
We can also conflate our self-worth with material success, how close we come to mainstream ideals of beauty, recognition for career or community achievements, or the people who give us love and attention.
The truth is that our value as a human is independent of any of these things. Once we recognize that, no one can take it away from us.
Paradoxically, I’ve tied my own value to fulfilling my potential, but a stumbling block to fulfilling my potential has been not recognizing my value. It’s meant not speaking up in meetings because I don’t feel entitled to take up space. Under-earning. Not reaching out for the kinds of opportunities that would push my creative endeavors forward. I haven’t contributed all I could because I haven’t felt good enough to do it.
Through therapy, writing, and being honest about the ways I’m evolving, I’m learning to accept myself exactly as I am. It doesn’t mean I won’t keep working on being a more loving and powerful force for good; it just means that I can acknowledge my inherent value every step of the way, no matter what.
* How I’ve evolved: Not being afraid to share vulnerabilities, knowing the connection it can open up with others. If anyone passes judgment or questions my value because of it, that’s not someone I want in my life.
* How I’m evolving: Knowing my value in my bones, accepting myself with compassion, and being able to live more wholeheartedly because of it.
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If you’d like to join me for The Evolving 40:
- All are welcome. Jump in at any time.
- On the daily theme, think: “How have I evolved? How am I evolving?”
- Length and format are up to you.
- Post in the comments below or on your own social with the hashtag #evolving40.
- Whatever comes up is what’s meant to be.
